I am oftener than I'd like to admit a chicken. I won't say something BEcause I might cause something to happen that I don't want to live with having happened.
I will feel it and feel it and feel it. I will think it to exhaustion. I will lose sleep and sometimes eat at it. But I won't let it out of my mouth [or write it] BEcause...
So I am thinking that this is what makes me tired. Makes me feel my age. Makes a lot of the difficulties I have with my well-BEing, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Perhaps even spiritually...
Yesterday evening I said what I was feeling and what I had been thinking about for the past couple of days. I didn't say it to the people I was thinkingandfeeling it about, but I said it to someone who matters. Big time.
On the other side of having said it Out Loud, I wrote about it earlier this morning during my Writing Practise. I learned a few things there. In fact, this is one day I might actually go back and read what I wrote.
Or NOT.
The thing is, Life is going to go on. Whether I say what I think or tell you what I am REALLY feeling about something.
And, for as long as I am still on this side of the dirt and breathing in and out, I am going to BE thinkingandfeeling.
So what I want to BE is a little eensie tiny bit braver when I have the opportunity.
I want to stop stopping BEcause you might NOT like me if you know that whatever it is I am holding back. I want to remember that whatever I am NOT saying is likely sneaking out somehow. And if I am going to piss you or someone else off it would BE worth DOing so with The Real ME.
MayBE I will see this differently after another night's sleep. It often happens like that. Or perhaps I will come to see tomorrow or the next day, or mayBE next week, that it really is NOT that important after all.
But still, I am going to keep trying to BE A Little Braver...
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